Review: Superman Returns

Sometime between dispatching General Zod and befriending computer whiz Gus Gorman, Superman took a five-year celestial road trip to verify Krypton's destruction, leaving humans to suffer in his absence. He has returned just in time to save Earth from aspirant real estate magnate Lex Luthor who, never a quitter, is revisiting his Superman I attempt to create Costa del Lex. Unfortunately for us, Lex left Otis, Miss Tessmacher, and his sense of humour in prison. This movie is lost somewhere between a remake and an art house flick with too many quotations from the first movie and a series of confusing religious allegories. It easily could have been forty-five minutes shorter by sparing us the gag-me scenes of the Man of Steel and Lois wrestling their feelings and an ending with so much cheese that you'd think it was shot in Wisconsin. Honestly, this film's only strengths are its soundtrack, which we've all heard before, and its special effects which, for those who have seen Spiderman plunge to earth and survive the impact, will be nothing new either. On a go/no-go scale, I give this turkey a "no-go".